Quran Universe
3:156

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَكُونُواْ كَٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ وَقَالُواْ لِإِخۡوَٰنِهِمۡ إِذَا ضَرَبُواْ فِي ٱلۡأَرۡضِ أَوۡ كَانُواْ غُزّٗى لَّوۡ كَانُواْ عِندَنَا مَا مَاتُواْ وَمَا قُتِلُواْ لِيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ ذَٰلِكَ حَسۡرَةٗ فِي قُلُوبِهِمۡۗ وَٱللَّهُ يُحۡيِۦ وَيُمِيتُۗ وَٱللَّهُ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ بَصِيرٞ

Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoo la takoonoo kaallatheena kafaroo waqaloo liikhwanihim itha daraboo fee alardi aw kanoo ghuzzan law kanoo AAindana ma matoo wama qutiloo liyajAAala Allahu thalika hasratan fee quloobihim waAllahu yuhyee wayumeetu waAllahu bima taAAmaloona baseerun

O you who have believed, do not be like those who disbelieved and said about their brothers when they traveled through the land or went out to fight, "If they had been with us, they would not have died or have been killed," so Allah makes that [misconception] a regret within their hearts. And it is Allah who gives life and causes death, and Allah is Seeing of what you do.

Word by word
  1. يَـٰٓأَيُّهَاO you
  2. ٱلَّذِينَwho
  3. ءَامَنُواْbelieve [d]
  4. لَا(Do) not
  5. تَكُونُواْbe
  6. كَٱلَّذِينَlike those who
  7. كَفَرُواْdisbelieved
  8. وَقَالُواْand they said
  9. لِإِخۡوَٰنِهِمۡabout their brothers
  10. إِذَاwhen
  11. ضَرَبُواْthey traveled
  12. فِيin
  13. ٱلۡأَرۡضِthe earth
  14. أَوۡor
  15. كَانُواْthey were
  16. غُزّٗىfighting
  17. لَّوۡIf
  18. كَانُواْthey had been
  19. عِندَنَاwith us
  20. مَاnot
  21. مَاتُواْthey (would have) died
  22. وَمَاand not
  23. قُتِلُواْthey (would have) been killed
  24. لِيَجۡعَلَSo makes
  25. ٱللَّهُAllah
  26. ذَٰلِكَthat
  27. حَسۡرَةٗa regret
  28. فِيin
  29. قُلُوبِهِمۡۗtheir hearts
  30. وَٱللَّهُAnd Allah
  31. يُحۡيِۦgives life
  32. وَيُمِيتُۗand causes death
  33. وَٱللَّهُand Allah
  34. بِمَاof what
  35. تَعۡمَلُونَyou do
  36. بَصِيرٞ(is) All-Seer
Ali 'Imran · 3:156Madinah

If they had stayed home, they would still be alive?

The thought that only grows the grief

What the others said
their brotherstravelled or went to fight
died, so
if they stayed with usthey would not have died
becomes
regretdeeper in the heart
Who gives life
the trip killed thema different choice saves
Allah gives and takesno day added or cut

Some said about those who died travelling for trade or in battle: had they stayed with us, they would not have died. Ibn Kathir says Allah lets that thought sit in their hearts so their grief grows. It is Allah who gives life and causes death.

A friend dies in a car crash on a trip. At the funeral someone says: why did he go, he should have stayed. The family hears it for years. That sentence only adds pain. His term was written, wherever he was.

If they had made a different choice, they would still be here.

Their time was set by Allah; blaming the trip only deepens the wound.

Try this

If you comfort someone grieving this week, avoid if-only words. Say a dua for the one who died.

Simplified reflection. Read the tafsir for scholarship.draft
Tafsir Ibn Kathir

O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve and who say to their brethren when they travel through the earth or go out to fight: "If they had stayed with us, they would not have died or been killed," so that Allah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts. It is Allah that gives life and causes death. And Allah is All-Seer of what you do (156)And if you are killed or die in the way of Allah, forgiveness and mercy from Allah are far better than all that they amass (157)And whether you die or are killed, verily, unto Allah you shall be gathered (158)

Prohibiting the Ideas of the Disbeleivers about Death and Predestination

Allah forbids His believing servants from the disbelievers' false creed, seen in their statement about those who died in battle and during travel; "Had they abandoned these trips, they would not have met their demise." Allah said,

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا وَقَالُوا لِإِخْوَانِهِمْ

(O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren), about their dead brethren,

إِذَا ضَرَبُوا فِي الْأَرْضِ

(when they travel through the earth) for the purpose of trading and otherwise,

أَوْ كَانُوا غُزًّى

(or go out to fight), participating in battles,

لَّوْ كَانُوا عِندَنَا

("If they had stayed with us,") in our area,

مَا مَاتُوا وَمَا قُتِلُوا

("they would not have died or been killed,") they would not have died while traveling or been killed in battle. Allah's statement,

لِيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ ذَٰلِكَ حَسْرَةً فِي قُلُوبِهِمْ

(so that Allah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts.) means, Allah creates this evil thought in their hearts so that their sadness and the grief they feel for their loss would increase. Allah refuted them by saying,

وَاللَّهُ يُحْيِي وَيُمِيتُ

(It is Allah that gives life and causes death.) for the creation is under Allah's power, and the decision is His Alone. No one lives or dies except by Allah's leave, and no one's life is increased or decreased except by His decree.

وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

(And Allah is All-Seer of what you do,) for His knowledge and vision encompasses all His creation and none of their affairs ever escapes Him. Allah's statement,

وَلَئِن قُتِلْتُمْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أَوْ مُتُّمْ لَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِّنَ اللَّهِ وَرَحْمَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّمَّا يَجْمَعُونَ

(And if you are killed or die in the way of Allah, forgiveness and mercy from Allah are far better than all that they amass.)[3:157], indicating that death and martyrdom in Allah's cause are a means of earning Allah's mercy, forgiveness and pleasure. This, indeed, is better than remaining in this life with its short lived delights. Furthermore, whoever dies or is killed will return to Allah, the Exalted and Most Honored, and He will reward him if he has done good deeds, or will punish him for his evil deeds. Allah said,

وَلَئِن مُّتُّمْ أَوْ قُتِلْتُمْ لَإِلَى اللَّهِ تُحْشَرُونَ

(And whether you die or are killed, verily, unto Allah you shall be gathered.)[3:158].