29:8

وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حُسۡنٗاۖ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٞ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَآۚ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ

Wawassayna alinsana biwalidayhi husnan wain jahadaka litushrika bee ma laysa laka bihi AAilmun fala tutiAAhuma ilayya marjiAAukum faonabbiokum bima kuntum taAAmaloona

And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

Word by word
  1. وَوَصَّيۡنَاAnd We have enjoined
  2. ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ(on) man
  3. بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِgoodness to his parents
  4. حُسۡنٗاۖgoodness to his parents
  5. وَإِنbut if
  6. جَٰهَدَاكَthey both strive against you
  7. لِتُشۡرِكَto make you associate
  8. بِيwith Me
  9. مَاwhat
  10. لَيۡسَnot
  11. لَكَyou have
  12. بِهِۦof it
  13. عِلۡمٞany knowledge
  14. فَلَاthen (do) not
  15. تُطِعۡهُمَآۚobey both of them
  16. إِلَيَّTo Me
  17. مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ(is) your return
  18. فَأُنَبِّئُكُمand I will inform you
  19. بِمَاabout what
  20. كُنتُمۡyou used
  21. تَعۡمَلُونَ(to) do
Al-'Ankabut · 29:8Makkah

Be good to your parents, but not at Allah's expense.

When love for family pulls against faith


Sa'd's story
Sa'da young believer
his mother"I will not eat until you leave"
answered by
this versekindness yes, obedience no
Two duties, one order
obey in everythingeven against Allah
honor them, hold firmkind, and true to Allah

Families in Makkah pressed converts to return to the old religion, even using the Quran's own respect for parents as leverage. Sa'd said his mother refused food until he left Islam. This verse was revealed: goodness to parents, but no obedience in associating partners with Allah.

Your father wants you to skip prayer at the wedding so you do not "embarrass the family." Your mother says you are being extreme. You still owe them warmth and respect. You do not owe them your faith.

If I refuse my parents anything, I am a bad child.

I can be gentle and loyal to my parents and still keep Allah first.

Try this

Do one kind thing for a parent today, especially if you disagree with them about something.

Simplified reflection. Read the tafsir for scholarship.draft
Tafsir Ibn Kathir

And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you associate with Me, which you have no knowledge of, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do (8)And for those who believe and do righteous deeds, surely, We shall admit them among the righteous (9)

The Command to be Good and Dutiful to Parents

Allah commands His servants to be dutiful to parents, after urging them to adhere to belief in His Tawhid, because a person's parents are the cause of his existence. So he must treat them with the utmost kindness and respect, his father for spending on him and his mother because of her compassion for him. Allah says:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا - وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا 

(And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.")(17:23-24) Although Allah orders us to show kindness, mercy and respect towards them in return for their previous kindness, He says:

وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ 

(but if they strive to make associate with Me, which you have no knowledge of, then obey them not.) meaning, if they are idolators, and they try to make you follow them in their religion, then beware of them, and do not obey them in that, for you will be brought back to Me on the Day of Resurrection, and Allah will reward you for your kindness towards them and your patience in adhering to your religion. It is Allah Who will gather you with the group of the righteous, not with the group of your parents, even though you were the closest of people to them in the world. For a person will be gathered on the Day of Resurrection with those whom he loves, meaning, religious love. Allah says:

وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ لَنُدْخِلَنَّهُمْ فِي الصَّالِحِينَ 

(And for those who believe and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall make them enter with the righteous.) In his Tafsir of this Ayah, At-Tirmidhi recorded that Sa'd said: "Four Ayat were revealed concerning me – and he told his story. He said: "Umm Sa'd said: 'Did Allah not command you to honor your parents? By Allah, I will not eat or drink anything until I die or you renounce Islam.' When they wanted to feed her, they would force her mouth open. Then this Ayah was revealed:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ 

(And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you associate with Me, of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not.)" This Hadith was also recorded by Imam Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Dawud and An-Nasa'i. At-Tirmidhi said, "Hasan Sahih.