Quran Universe
20:94

قَالَ يَبۡنَؤُمَّ لَا تَأۡخُذۡ بِلِحۡيَتِي وَلَا بِرَأۡسِيٓۖ إِنِّي خَشِيتُ أَن تَقُولَ فَرَّقۡتَ بَيۡنَ بَنِيٓ إِسۡرَـٰٓءِيلَ وَلَمۡ تَرۡقُبۡ قَوۡلِي

Qala ya bna omma la takhuth bilihyatee wala birasee innee khasheetu an taqoola farraqta bayna banee israeela walam tarqub qawlee

[Aaron] said, "O son of my mother, do not seize [me] by my beard or by my head. Indeed, I feared that you would say, 'You caused division among the Children of Israel, and you did not observe [or await] my word.' "

Word by word
  1. قَالَHe said
  2. يَبۡنَؤُمَّO son of my mother
  3. لَا(Do) not
  4. تَأۡخُذۡseize (me)
  5. بِلِحۡيَتِيby my beard
  6. وَلَاand not
  7. بِرَأۡسِيٓۖby my head
  8. إِنِّيIndeed,I
  9. خَشِيتُ[I] feared
  10. أَنthat
  11. تَقُولَyou would say
  12. فَرَّقۡتَYou caused division
  13. بَيۡنَbetween
  14. بَنِيٓ(the) Children of Israel
  15. إِسۡرَـٰٓءِيلَ(the) Children of Israel
  16. وَلَمۡand not
  17. تَرۡقُبۡyou respect
  18. قَوۡلِيmy word
Taha · 20:94Makkah

Son of my mother, do not seize me by the beard.

Softening anger with family love

Harun's reply
son of my motherto soften him
I fearedyou would say I divided them
Two duties in tension
stop the wrongby force
keep them uniteduntil you returned

Harun said son of my mother. Ibn Kathir says mentioning their mother was to soften Musa's anger, as it is more tender. Harun explained he feared being blamed for dividing the people. Ibn Abbas said Harun was respectful and obedient to Musa.

Your brother is shouting at you over something you did not cause. You could shout back. Or you could say, "We are family, hear me out." A soft reminder of the bond can cool a hot moment.

When someone attacks me, I have to defend myself just as hard.

Reminding someone of our bond can soften anger more than arguing back.

Try this

In your next heated moment with family, start your reply with something about your bond.

Simplified reflection. Read the tafsir for scholarship.draft
Tafsir Ibn Kathir (shared passage from 20:92)

(Musa) said: "O Harun! What prevented you when you saw them going astray; (92)"That you followed me not (according to my advice to you)? Have you then disobeyed my order? (93)He (Harun) said: "O son of my mother! Seize (me) not by my beard, nor by my head! Verily, I feared lest you should say: 'You have caused a division among the Children of Israel, and you have not respected my word!' (94)

What happened between Musa and Harun after Musa returned

Allah informs of what happened when Musa returned to his people and saw the great matter that had taken place among them. With this he became filled with anger and he threw down the Divine Tablets that he had in his hand. Then, he grabbed his brother Harun by his head and pulled him towards himself. We expounded upon this previously in Surat Al-A'raf, where we mentioned the Hadith,

لَيْسَ الْخَبَرُ كَالْمُعَايَنَةِ

(Information is not the same as observation.) Then, he began to blame his brother, Harun, by saying,

مَا مَنَعَكَ إِذْ رَأَيْتَهُمْ ضَلُّوا - أَلَّا تَتَّبِعَنِ

(What prevented you when you saw them going astray; that you followed me not?) meaning, "You should have informed me of this matter as soon as it happened."

أَفَعَصَيْتَ أَمْرِي

(Have you then disobeyed my order?) "In that which I entrusted to you," referring to Musa's statement,

اخْلُفْنِي فِي قَوْمِي وَأَصْلِحْ وَلَا تَتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ الْمُفْسِدِينَ

(Replace me among my people, act in the right way and follow not the way of the mischief-makers.)[7:142]

قَالَ يَا ابْنَ أُمَّ

(He (Harun) said: "O son of my mother!") This mentioning of the mother was Harun's attempt to soften Musa's anger, because he was Musa's biological brother and they had the same parents. The mentioning of the mother here is more delicate and profound in bringing about gentleness and mildness. This is why he said,

يَا ابْنَ أُمَّ لَا تَأْخُذْ بِلِحْيَتِي وَلَا بِرَأْسِي

(O son of my mother! Seize (me) not by my beard, nor by my head!) This was Harun's excuse to Musa for being delayed from coming to him and informing him of the great mishap that took place. He said,

إِنِّي خَشِيتُ

(Verily, I feared) meaning, "I was afraid to come after you and inform you of this, because I thought you might accuse me of leaving them alone and causing division between them."

وَلَمْ تَرْقُبْ قَوْلِي

(and you have not respected my word!) This means, "And you did not take care of what I commanded you to do when I left you in charge of them." Ibn 'Abbas said, "Harun was respectful and obedient to Musa."